For the Sensitive Ones

In homes and hostels across Kashmir, young women are breaking under the weight of being too “nice.”

- Aisha Hasnain

‘ven though Rifat is pregnant with her first child, her mother-in-law doesn't save milk for her.

She's made to do most of the housework. Rifat tells me she’s too scared to take two chapatis to the office. “By the time I reach work, my stomach feels like it's coming apart from hunger.”

She makes chapatis for the entire family before leaving. There are other challenges in her marriage too, and she’s under constant stress.

“You tell me what I should do,” she says to me with teary eyes. She knows I've learned things the hard way.

“What are you scared of?” I ask her.

“You're the one making the bread, and you're scared of saving two for yourself? Does that make any sense?” I press her gently. “Just take two from tomorrow. What's the worst that could happen? She'll call you an ‘evil’ daughter-in-law? That's been the narrative for ages. Be selfish.”

Selfish is my recent word. My friends don't like that I've started calling myself that lately. But there's a personal agenda behind this shift.

Seema is a teenager. Her mother separated from her husband and moved back with her children to her parental home. It's been a while now, and Seema misses her father. But her mother doesn't let her meet him. Neither does her grandmother nor her uncle.

1 asked Seema to describe her father. “The best you could ask for,” she told me.