Colonial Hangover

From school ties to ceremonial black coats, a witty exploration of India’s enduring fascination with English customs.

- Vikas Thakur

“Oh, Papa! Where were you?” exclaimed my 6th-grade son. | saw that he and my better half had been struggling with his school tie. | had gone for my morning walk, and it seemed they were at sea trying to make a knot for the new school tie.

Thank God I didn't have to suffer this utterly useless piece of garment in my school, I thought.

Countless millions of Indian kids have suffered this noose around their delicate necks in the tropical heat, just to follow in the footsteps of the Brits.

Likewise, our legal eagles have endured the black coat that is mandatory in Indian courts, despite temperatures hitting up to 50 degrees Celsius.

Our unconditional love for all things Western is truly baffling. In spite of our chronic shortage of water, and an even greater shortage of toilet etiquette, we have replaced the humble ‘Indian Toilet’ in public conveniences with the ‘Western Commode’.

Our higher echelons are filled with the ‘Brown Sahibs’. Especially in the Army I joined, they were everywhere. We took our baby steps in tune with the bagpipers playing Scottish tunes in the heat of Meerut. We wore Mess dresses that would not have been out of place in medieval England. There were tailors like Mehtab (God bless his noble soul) who raised an army of children on the earnings brought by a lifetime of stitching this special line of garments for us Griffins.