My son's school refusal revealed deeper emotional struggle

I remember the moment I realised that my son's repeated requests not to go to school were linked to something more serious than mere malingering in a bid for a duvet day.

- Victoria Young, The Independent

He had been out of school for what was, for him, a blissful week of Covid. The morning he was well enough to return, he had breakfast and got into his uniform. As he got ready to leave, he stood by the front door, and I could see that he was bracing himself before opening it. Then he just buckled, visibly crumpling and bursting into heartfelt tears. He literally begged me to let him stay home and not go to school.

I knew he was struggling with the transition from primary school. I also knew that he was having some difficulties within his friendship group. But I didn't know how bad things were until that day. His evident pain felt crushing and, having spent his school career thus far, was ushering him in come hell or high water - unless he was delirious with a fever or had a limb hanging off (“just rise about it! you'll be fine!”) I shut the door without hesitation and told him to stay at home. That was in 2022, so newly post-pandemic, with all that that entailed. But it turns out that 90 per cent of parents still think that their child's mental health is more important than going to school. A new poll shows that half of parents regularly allow their child a day off school if they feel “too upset” to go in, with 49 per cent of 2,000 families surveyed saying they regularly allow an “emotional absence”.