My mental health condition scares me a lot

There are myriad reasons why having a baby doesn’t seem like a good idea: the cost of living is through the roof, wages are largely stagnant, the UK is one of the most expensive countries in the world for childcare. Plus, at my childbearing age of 29, babies still appear to require a level of buoyancy and nurturing I've only recently learnt how to provide for myself.

- Lydia Spencer-Elliott, The Independent

This might sound stupid, but for thousands of people who suffer from anxiety and depression, myself included, these are the facts: being happy can feel like a gruelling daily challenge, low mood and worry strike often, irrational fears and negative self-talk — without treatment — run rampant and ruminate. To sum it up, my stable and cheerful life has been hard won through rounds of CBT therapy, medication, counselling, regular exercise and holistic treatments — and I don't know if I want a baby to blow that up, ever. Not when I've finally found my feet. Equally, for the imaginary child in question, I don’t want to be a dreary, downbeat mother. That child, whoever they could turn out to be, deserves fun; not to walk timidly around the house worried their actions have caused my unhappiness — whatever form it may have taken that day. That's not much of a childhood. So with all of this in mind, it came as no surprise to me that research conducted by the Institute for Family Studies in 2022 found that happier women are more likely to have the number of children they want, compared to those who are depressed or anxious.