END OF THE KEIR SHOW

I DISCOVERED that I'd been found left on the doctor’s doorstep, with a note saying: “Please look after this boy.”

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That was a great stag do.

Luckily I was away, so caught nothing of the middle-class smugfest that is Glastonbury.

I hear there was a lot of controversy. I was disgusted by what was said on stage at the world’s biggest festival.

No one should ever be subjected to the words, “Hello Glastonbury, we're The 1975”.

The band for people who find Coldplay a little too edgy.