Young adults in China are learning to live alone

TIRED FROM WORK AND CRAVING A SWEET TREAT OR a spa day? Young people in China have a new mantra for that: “Ai ni laoji!”

- MIRANDA JEYARETNAM

The phrase, meaning “love you, dear friend,” took off on Chinese social media at the end of last year as users tacked it onto videos, posts, and comments to justify spending on the dearest friend of all: themselves.

It’s a familiar concept to many outside of China: through the 2010s, Western social media was inundated with the phrases Treat yo’self—popularized by the sitcom Parks and Recreation—and YOLO (You only live once), and the concept of self-care has powered a booming wellness industry.

But the Chinese phrase reflects a starker shift in the nation of 1.4 billion, where older generations have long emphasized hard work and personal sacrifice, and where younger generations are now struggling to build lives according to those traditional expectations amid rapid urbanization and a sluggish job economy.

Memes like “Ai ni laoji” resonate because of their irony, says Sylvia Zhu, a 25-year-old from Beijing who now lives in Seattle. Many of the stories people share online are “about struggling in life and slowly getting through it by relying on yourself,” which many young people in China can relate to, she says, adding that some of her friends have also started saying “Life is too short” or “You never know what will happen tomorrow.”

Zhu says she and her friends in China enjoy spending on things for themselves like Pop Mart’s viral Labubu dolls, personal luxuries like handbags, or hobby-related gear like camera lenses.

“After I started working, I realized that to keep life feeling exciting, material things sometimes play a role,” Zhu says. “If it’s something you can afford, it’s often seen as a self-reward.”