BABY TALK

UNSURE ABOUT HAVING KIDS? THERAPIST MERLE BOMBARDIERI CAN HELP YOU FIGURE IT OUT

- Jamie Ducharme

MERLE BOMBARDIERI LEARNED SHE WAS a micro-celebrity in 2020, when she happened to Google her own name. Her search led her to a Reddit group of "fence sitters"people who aren't sure whether they want to have children-where she is a very big deal. Post after post mentions her book The Baby Decision: How to Make the Most Important Choice of Your Life and its power to help people get off the fence, one way or the other. "It's a sort of bible," says Christy Starr, a 36-year-old member of the Reddit community who lives in Wisconsin.

Bombardieri, a 75-year-old therapist who also coaches people about whether they should have kids, was tickled by her VIP status among a group of people young enough to be her children or even grandchildren. She joined the r/Fencesitter message board and now spends about five hours per week answering people's questions for free. (She could easily spend even longer: once, she hosted an "ask me anything" thread, and it took her 10 weeks to answer every question.) She sees her involvement in the group, which today has about 70,000 members, as a moral obligation. "Not everybody can buy a book. A lot of people can't afford a coach or a therapist," she says. "And I really want the information to be out there."

There's clearly a need. Most U.S. adults eventually have children. But more people-both men and women-are thinking critically about a major life choice that not too long ago was basically seen as a given.