WEMBLEY WAS A CRY FOR HELP

JIM Burnside felt numb. Music was blaring, beer was flowing, and everyone was dancing.

- George Nash

The changing room was erupting with jubilation. But his mind was elsewhere.

It was May 22, 2022 and United Counties League side Newport Pagnell Town had just beaten LittlehamptonTown 3-0 to win the FA Vase at Wembley. In front of 15,000 fans, and thousands more watching on TV, that sunny afternoon under the world’s most famous arch should have been the best day of Burnside’s life.

Instead, it was one of the saddest.

The celebrations continued into the night but Burnside was nowhere to be seen. He spent the evening alone and, in the morning, checked himself into a psychiatric hospital.

“I needed an intervention,” says the 31-year-old striker. “I was at the peak of my career and lowest point in my life.”

Two years on, Burnside can recall very little from that day. A combination of depression, drug and alcohol addiction, undiagnosed bipolar disorder, and ADHD had by that point left his life at crisis point.

Two weeks before the final, he made what he describes as a semi-serious suicide attempt.

“Voices in my head were telling me I was a cancer and I would infiltrate people’s goodness,” he says.

“It was a cry for help – I don’t think I wanted to die. I just wanted to show people how bad things were.”

The worst, however, was still to come. After spending five weeks at a London Priory facility, Burnside’s 11-year relationship with his partner fell apart.

They had been married just over a year and the divorce sent him spiralling. Burnside admits that in the weeks following the separation he would drive on the wrong side of the road and run red lights hoping to crash.