OTHER PEOPLE'S STRESS...isn't yours to carry

Whether you're at home or work, visiting with friends or catching up with family, the start of the year can stir up old emotions and leave us feeling a little off-kilter. Because New Year's stress doesn't just come from the dark, the weather or even the lack of cash - it's also from the people around us.

- KELLIE GILLESPIE-WRIGHT

So if you'd like this to be a year featuring less blazing rows and more calm, loving connection — plus a lot less stress — then it's time to think about the way we interact with other people, and see how we can take steps to look after ourselves.

Families, friends, colleagues, and even strangers bring a heady mix of expectations and unspoken tensions — and we're always on the look out for trouble, whether we're aware of it or not. Dr Sophie Mort, clinical psychologist, mental health expert for Headspace and bestselling author of A Manual for Being Human, explains: 'The nervous system is always scanning for cues of safety or danger, what we call neuroception. In emotionally charged environments — whether it's a family gathering or a workplace setting — we're not just reacting to what's happening in the moment. We're responding to a nervous-system memory of past interactions.'

This internal scanning happens in relation to those around us. We're inherently social creatures, and through mechanisms like emotional contagion and the mirror-neuron system, we pick up on the emotional states of others, often without even realising it. 'It's not just about facial expressions,’ says Dr Mort. ‘We pick up on changes in breathing, muscle tension, voice tone, or pacing. If someone in the room is anxious or upset, others might start feeling uneasy or snappy without even understanding why. This isn’t a weakness. It’s our brain trying to keep the group regulated and safe.’

Unexplainable shifts

The result? We can absorb other people’s tension as if it’s our own. Dr Mort says the signs often show up in your body before you even recognise them: ‘Shoulders creeping up, jaw tightening, breath getting shallow. You might feel off without knowing why.’