Seating plans

SOMETIMES I sits and thinks and sometimes I just sits,' explained Winnie-the-Pooh. How I envy his capacity to do nothing, especially in the garden.

- Alan Titchmarsh

Well, sometimes anyway. My garden and meadow are replete with seats and benches, strategically positioned to offer respite to the weary traveller and to act as handsome focal points at the end of views and vistas. In that respect, they fulfil their brief admirably. The fault lies with me, not them, when it comes to using them for the practical purpose for which they were intended.

There is a standing joke in our family, or, rather, a repeated line: 'Oh... you managed 15 seconds that time,' as I leap from my momentary rest in some shady arbour or sunlit grove to snip a wayward shoot or uproot a cheeky weed. We have a line that is regularly used in our household-a nod to Morecambe and Wise's invitation to the newsreader Richard Baker: 'Sit down. Take the weight off your bulletins.' It still makes us smile.

I freely admit that I am a born potterer.

I will occasionally 'take the weight off my bulletins' for as long as half a cup of tea or coffee lasts, morning or afternoon, and, in the evening, I can happily quaff a glass or two or even take a meal in the gardenat that time of day, I have no trouble relaxing.

It is during the daylight hours that I struggle.