Feeling salty?

With endless mixed signals, bad behaviour and raised hopes, the dating world is harder to navigate than ever. But should we be helping our friends sail through the slaloms with a little more frankness?

- Brit Dawson

Although she’s more straightforward with other friends when it comes to their dating lives—gently but firmly steering them away from rationalising shitty behaviour—Robyn® has become a habitual sugarcoater with her friend Lola®. Over the past few months, Lola has been dating again after a bad break-up. According to Robyn, though, she’s still “smarting from the previous relationship” and is bringing “quite toxic fixations” into new romantic situations. But if Robyn or other close girlfriends try to challenge Lola’s behaviour or unpack these dynamics, “you'd better expect the silent treatment”.

Yet, lately, Robyn has noticed something unusual happening. “Lola has started turning to one of our straight male friends for advice, who’s able to be much more honest and sometimes even quite brutal in his response,” reveals Robyn. “She’s more receptive to his on-the-nose statements, whereas if they came from me, it would send our friendship to the rocks. There is a fine line I walk that our straight male friends don’t have to; I don’t fully understand why.”

While Robyn’s situation may be unique, the concept of heterosexual women turning to men for their ruthless takes about the guys they're dating isn’t anything new. I mean, hello, remember when Sex And The City’s Miranda turned to Carrie’s boyfriend Berger to analyse her date’s behaviour, leading to the immortal words, “He’s just not that into you”? Miranda found the phrase completely liberating. It also became the inspiration behind a 2004 self-help book and subsequent 2009 romcom of the same name. All pointed towards the same conclusion, neatly summarised by Justin Long’s character in the film: “Trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit.”