But my dreams of him are dreams of intimacy beyond what I usually mean by “knowing.” They are erotic dreams even when they are not about sex. That sounds romantic but it is not. The dreams are terrible and disgusting. Or they are banal. I cannot explain them. Even when they are affectionate and tender, the sweetness strikes a weak note amid the dominant noise and adds to my fading impression of a bewildered pain that must, for some reason, be accepted. Sometimes I go for as long as a year without having one of these dreams and I think they are gone. And then they start again.
I am now well over fifty years old. I am alone, but I have had relationships, including a common-law marriage that just recently ended. I dreamed of him, the man from long ago, through all my previous relationships. These dreams of him—and thoughts, I have also had thoughts and memories triggered by things as random as a singer’s voice or the subplot of a TV show or a movie or even a cartoon—are like a weather system passing across the distant horizon of my outermost self, but they affect the local barometric pressure and the color of the shared sky.
Esta historia es de la edición March 27, 2023 de The New Yorker.
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Esta historia es de la edición March 27, 2023 de The New Yorker.
Comience su prueba gratuita de Magzter GOLD de 7 días para acceder a miles de historias premium seleccionadas y a más de 8500 revistas y periódicos.
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TRIPLE FAULT
A meal is never just a meal in a Luca Guadagnino movie; each bite is a prelude to a kiss, every feast a form of foreplay.
NIGHT MUSIC
“Stereophonic” and Cabaret at the Kit Kat Club” on Broadway.
LITTLE OLD HER
Is Taylor Swift doing too much?
BEASTLY MATTERS
Where the logic behind the concern for animal welfare begins and ends.
PULSE
He footed off his shoes, the logs balanced on an arm, and tugged the door shut.
TOWER IN FLAMES
What kind of right is academic freedom?
THE BATTLE FOR ATTENTION
How do we hold on to what matters in a distracted age?
ON NATIVE GROUNDS
Deb Haaland faces the cruel history of the agency she now leads.
DESIGN FOR LIVING
Can converting office towers into apartments save empty downtowns from ruin?
HOROSCOPES WRITTEN BY MY MOTHER
Your zodiac alignment this month is governed by Venus, the planet of intuition, something my daughter Bess seems to lack.