How to speak about sexual abuse

IT’S A SCARY TOPIC TO THINK ABOUT, LET ALONE ADDRESS WITH YOUR CHILDREN; BUT IT’S A NECESSARY ONE

- NOLWAZI DHLAMINI

In a country where sexual violence against women and children is rife, it’s vital that kids of all ages know what’s right from wrong. Not only is it important for them to recognise it so they’re able to report it, but also so that they don’t, unknowingly, become perpetrators. Counselling psychologist Siphumlile Nqoko gives tips on age-appropriated ways to have this tough conversation that could help keep them safer and empower them to speak out if they’ve been violated.

How to speak to your tween (ages 9-12)

Start the conversation with the most basic information, even if it means reiterating what they may have learned at school already. You need to be as frank and open as possible. Siphumlile suggests the following:

Don’t use nicknames for body parts

‘This will help them understand which parts of their body are private and which shouldn’t be touched or looked at. It also facilitates a conversation with them about body parts they may have questions about,’ says Siphumlile.

‘Giving concrete examples helps them understand even better. Using the correct terms, point to and touch your own genital area and breasts, not theirs, and tell them no one’s allowed to forcefully touch them there without their permission. Additionally, emphasise that they could also be touched on other areas of the body and still feel uncomfortable; for example, a constant brushing or rubbing of their arms.’

Explain the concept of body autonomy and boundaries