You need to know about stealthing

It's a sex crime in four states, yet only 15 per cent of Australians know what stealthing is. Here, consent advocate Chanel Contos writes for Marie Claire about the complexities of this unique form of sexual violence, and four people who have experienced stealthing share their stories to help fight for change

- By Chanel Contos

I speak to survivors of sexual violence. A lot. When I do, I learn about the intricacies of their experiences. I appreciate every single conversation, as it adds to this web of stories that paints a picture of the rape culture in our country – the culture where we have normalised violence.

What is rare, but I appreciate all the same, is when I get to speak to people who have perpetrated violence and are willing to admit it, in an attempt to stop others from doing so. There is no better way to unpick that web than to understand how each part has been woven by speaking to the people who made it.

A man in his late twenties messaged me on Instagram, admitting that from viewing my stories on stealthing he realised he had raped someone.

Stealthing is the non-consensual removal of a condom during sex or the failure to put one on when having previously agreed to. Consenting to sex with a condom, and consenting to sex without a condom, are two drastically different things. Aside from the obvious risks of not using a condom, such as increased risks of STI transmission or unwanted pregnancy, there are physiological effects as a result of having your bodily autonomy disregarded. This is especially true if you are left ill-equipped to describe what happened, and why it made you feel the way you do.

It’s difficult to measure how many people have been victims of stealthing, as stealthing often occurs without the victim’s knowledge. One study conducted at a sexual health clinic in Melbourne found one in three women and one in five men had been stealthed, however this data represents a small, specific section of the population, because if you were stealthed, a sexual health check would be the first point of action.