When Your Fam Body Shames You

How to ask family and friends for less shade, more support.

- Micah Sulit

LAST JANUARY, MY MOM’S SIDE OF THE FAMILY HAD A BUFFET DINNER, courtesy of a tita who was visiting from Canada. It was going to be my first cheat meal since cutting out carbs and sugar. Four weeks into my diet, I had lost 14 pounds, and I was excited for my relatives to see a slimmer me.

There were high fives and compliments, but one uncle wouldn’t stop teasing me about what I was eating. Each time he passed by my table, he’d look at my plate and say, “Naku, sushi? Wala na ’yung 14 pounds na nalose mo!” My lolo, who was sitting beside me, declared, “Wala namang pinagbago! You should lose at least 30.” He also kept talking about what I should and shouldn’t eat. Unfazed, I told my brother, “Nothing can get me down tonight.” The next day, the ceaseless ribbing was all I could think about. I couldn’t stop crying.

DON’T SUFFER IN SILENCE

I’ll bet my left kidney that my family reunions aren’t so different from yours, in that the titas, titos, lolas, and lolos greet us with comments about our love lives (and lack thereof) or our weight (and abundance or lack thereof). Being told by relatives that you’re either “napabayaan sa kusina” or “mukhang kalansay,” and all the snarky comments in between, isn’t just a Pinoy thing. Look up “body shaming by family” online, and you’ll find that it happens around the world.