The MALE LONELINESS EPIDEMIC

Men are struggling – with friendships, with relationships, with themselves. But between the manosphere blaming women and women withdrawing, we may well be missing the real problem. So let’s talk: Why is this happening, what are the effects and what can we do about it?

- Liesl Robertson

Search for the words ‘male loneliness epidemic’ and you'll most likely land on one of two things: podcast bros bemoaning the fact that women don’t want to be Stepford wives any more; or women saying that men need to bring more to the table in terms of parenting, domestic work and emotional support for women to want to be in relationships with them. We could easily go on a 10-page rant about either one of those topics. But that would be missing the point.

‘The male loneliness epidemic is a multifaceted social phenomenon,’ says Johannesburg-based clinical psychologist Dr Jeanie Cavé. ‘In its purest form, it’s about men not having meaningful social contact with other men. But the meaning of it and the implications of it depend on who's using the term, what they allocate to being the cause of it and what they want the solution to be.’

In short, the topic has been co-opted — by the men who blame women for their loneliness, and by the women who are, frankly, sick of carrying the mental and emotional load.

‘It’s being weaponised against women,’ Dr Cavé says. ‘We look at incels and we look at this concept of the alpha male, the manosphere, looksmaxxing... All of that is women being blamed, and women being expected to provide a solution to the male loneliness epidemic.’

Johnny No-Mates

In reality, it’s a crisis of connection. According to the stats floating around on the internet, all signs point to men being increasingly isolated, with few friends to call their own. In his book Of Boys and Men, gender and masculinity expert Richard Reeves talks about a growing ‘friendship recession’ among boys and men, with 15% of American men under 30 saying they have no close friends, up from 3% in 1990. Keep in mind that the real number is likely far higher.