Transforming Grief

November 29, 2020 is a date etched in my brain as the day my life changed forever. My husband, who had been by my side for 27 years, died suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 50. 

- JASMEE MUDGAL

I think of that time as an inflection point in my life, before his death (B.D.) and after (A.D.). 

In the three years since, I have become a different person. Looking back on the early days and months, I see a mix of pain and sorrow, gratitude, and resilience. I am still on the journey of navigating this new life that neither my kids nor I asked for. Along the way, I have discovered how the support of community and the connections I have formed allowed me to flourish even in the most difficult of times. 

In the aftermath of his death, there were so many mixed and complicated emotions, all shrouded in a cloud of intense grief. The sadness, isolation, fear, and sense of helplessness overwhelmed me in those early days. Outwardly, I appeared fine to many, as I mustered the strength to put one foot in front of the other, driven by the sole purpose of providing stability for my children. 

Balancing this newfound solo life with a full-time career was far from easy, especially when I inherited the task of managing my late husband’s business. His employees were also grappling with losing their beloved boss and their own anxieties about their livelihoods, so they looked to me for leadership. And, the constant concern for my three teenagers—now relying on me as their sole parent—weighed incessantly.