Does balance feel like an illusion?

Everyone from the age-old sages to modern-day philosophers have extolled that the art of life is all about balance. But how do you find it?

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The first time I sat around a bonfire was at Brownies, aged eight. Lured by the promise of toasted marshmallows, I found the smell engulfing and the smoke stung my eyes. Brown Owl – who was always kind – ushered me over to a bucket of water and told me to look in it until I felt soothed. The last time was 38 years later. Newly divorced and still finding my feet, I’d signed up for a group programme called Women Rise Rooted, held in a nature reserve in East Sussex. We met by the bonfire each week to explore our connection to nature, ourselves, and the wider world. At first, it was intoxicating. Returning to my sunny flat, the colours around me felt brighter; life felt lighter.

This time I could handle the smoke and the burgeoning unpredictability of open flames.

But as the weeks went on, I realised I didn’t want to. I’d got so used to handling things that were uncomfortable, or unpleasant, that I’d just replicated that in a different setting.