How Your ‘Attachment Style' Affects Your Relationship

Whether your style is ‘anxious’ or ‘secure’, it dictates how you behave with a partner. We explain the famous theory...and the different attachment styles.

- Paisley Gilmour

You may have heard about John Bowlby’s famous theory on attachment. Our attachment styles, it turns out, set the pattern for how healthy our relationships are. Ever wondered why you act a certain way in every relationship? Or why you keep making the same mistakes? It’s probably down to your attachment style, which can be linked all the way back to your childhood.

If you feel insecure in your adult relationships, keep wanting to check in on a partner or starting arguments about where they have been, or if you avoid emotional intimacy and prefer to feel ‘independent’, identifying your attachment style could help you change your behaviour and improve your relationships going forward.

The three main attachment theory styles are: Anxious Attachment, Secure Attachment, and Avoidant Attachment. And here’s what they mean...and why they matter in relationships.

WHY KNOWING ATTACHMENT THEORY AND YOUR ATTACHMENT STYLE IS IMPORTANT

Barbara Honey, relationship counsellor at UK-based counselling services, Relate, says, “It’s very helpful for people to identify their attachment style, even if they’re not seeing a counsellor.” And the sooner one learns about it the better, “because if people did start thinking about it early on, and recognised they had a bit of a problem, they could do something about it before it went pear-shaped.”