MY PAST LIFE'S A BIG BLUR

I'M being stalked by a woman who has decided that I’m the love of her life.

- 

I leave my flat and she’s standing on the other side of the road watching me.

I go to my favourite café, and she plonks herself down with a coffee and a muffin because she thinks I need fattening up. She talks about the wedding we'll have, the children we'll make and the wonderful “happy ever after” awaiting us in our dotage.

She's freaking me out. The thing is, I don’t know who she is. She claims that we used to work together and had a passionate, office-based fling in 2015.

She tells tales of us bonking in the boss's office, groping down alleyways and booking sleazy hotels by the hour. The problem is that I can’t remember any of it. I was drinking quite heavily back in the day, plus I was stressed out and taking recreational drugs.