I'm cool on hot-tub rat

BOYFRIEND BONKING WOMAN NEXT DOOR

- 

MY man keeps nipping next door for a dip in our neighbour's hot tub.

I hear the pair of them out there splashing, giggling and clinking champagne glasses.

Then everything goes silent while they snog and grope.

Eventually her headboard starts banging against our shared wall and I know that they're up in her bedroom bonking for Britain. This is unfair.