The Christmas List That Matters: Beyond Gifts To Legacy

A former CEO of Singapore's National Volunteer & Philanthropy Centre reframes the season of giving, arguing that the greatest gift is a relationship, not a transaction.

- Words: Melissa Kwee Illustration: Kenny Nguyen

IT'S THE SEASON of lists.

Gift lists, guest lists, and last-minute donations to optimise one's tax ledger. But in the quiet lull after the carols fade, a more profound question lingers: what are we truly building with our generosity?

We often narrate giving as a linear act: a need exists, a resource is transferred, and a problem is solved. It's a satisfying story we tell at fundraisers. Yet from my vantage-raised at the confluence of generational wealth, then leading the National Volunteer & Philanthropy Centre—I saw a more complex truth, starkly revealed during the pandemic: philanthropy is a double-edged sword. One edge can cut a path to a better future; the other, wielded unwittingly, can leave a deeper wound.

This is the chasm between what philosopher Martin Buber called an I-It transaction and an I-Thou encounter. One sees a problem to be fixed; the other, a person to be met.

Years ago, I spoke at a Day of Service for an elite school. I shared the story of a lonely auntie in a rental block, waiting for visitors who never came. A nearby institution, seeking to help isolated seniors, had installed motion detectors in their flats. “A good idea?” I asked. The students, clever and compassionate, agreed it was.