Becoming a Parent: Approach and Attitude

In September 2022, DAAJI released his latest bestseller, The Wisdom Bridge, and throughout 2023 we are sharing highlights from the various chapters to give you a taste of the wisdom it offers. This month the excerpt is from the chapter on Principle 3: Preparation Begins Long Before Children Arrive.

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Relationship Anchors: Acceptance, Friendship and Teamwork

All parents would like to be the best in raising children. So how do they do that? Research shows that one of the best predictors of parenting quality is marital quality.1, 2 In simple terms, happy couples make good parents. That said, couples can’t be madly in love or blissfully happy in their relationship all the time. They’re not going to agree on every single thing. That’s why it’s so important to manage expectations.

Relationships hit rough water because of mismatched expectations. Especially expecting the other person to change doesn’t work. I am not saying people don’t change. What I am saying is accepting the other person as they are is the first step towards change.

I tell my young friends, “When you are in a relationship, focus on yourself. Everything you are expecting from the other person, ask yourself if you could offer that to your partner. The way you are today, do you love that version of yourself? My suggestion is you first build your own empire of moral qualities. Strengthen your moral muscles before you expect the same from the other.”

An attitude of self-improvement gives strength to a relationship. It shows that your ego is not rigid. Most of the time there’s friction in relationships because of the clashing egos. When the couple focuses on self-improvement, they give each other the space they need to adjust. In the process, they start developing a friendship.

Discover Friendship in Your Marriage