Cold water dippers turning air – and their lips - blue!

While I was pegging out the washing, I heard the next door neighbour turn the air blue with a stream of four-letter words that would have Chubby Brown blushing.

- with Richard Ord

It sounded like he'd caught his wife in bed with his best mate and then stepped on a piece of Lego.

That kind of pain.

From the visceral scream of expletives, it was clear something truly terrible had just happened and so, like the good conscientious neighbour I am, I rushed back upstairs stifling my giggles to report back to my current life-partner.

Halfway up the stairs, I had a perfect vantage point over the backyard wall to view the horror that had befallen my potty-mouthed neighbour.

Turns out he's only gone and got himself an ice-bath.