Whole new ball game for Gary

ARE you a big fan of golf?

- By MIKE WARD, television critic

I can’t say it appeals to me.At least, not the grownup version. I used to quite like the mental golf, the kind with mini windmills etc, down at the seafront, but I don’t think it’s there any more. (I don’t think the golf is there, I mean. I'm not aware they've taken the seafront away.)

One thing that puts me off, I admit, is I can’t hit a golf ball for toffee. I'm also aware it involves precision and patience. Patience I'm hopeless with. Precision comes a close second.