Trying to ignore Trump tantrums

HERE are certain things that should never be seen together. Trump's white hands and his orange face, for example. Raw chicken and cooked. Trump with a cardboard noticeboard. Big dogs and my crazy cockapoo. Trump with... OK I'll stop now.

- CERI GOULD

Let this column be a Trump-free zone. Everywhere we look, every radio bulletin, comment piece, TV news it’s Trump and his tariffs tantrum.

The best advice I was given when the kids were little was to ignore a tantrum. It’s easier said than done but I will attempt it here. I’m going to try to talk about anything but Trump, even though he’s hanging off our arms and screaming for attention. Like a toddler, he's also depriving us of sleep and making us poorer.

I turn then to the obvious not-Trump topic - the weather. Hasn't it been lovely? Perfect blue-skies April weather. It’s almost as though the weather fairies know we need something to make us feel more optimistic. Open the curtains and the sky is blue. If you want someone to trust you, wear blue. Trump doesn’t care and favours a white shirt, an over-long tie and shoulder pads not seen since, well, not ever seen, I reckon. It’s just... oops. Sorry. I'll put a £1 in the Trump swear box.

The weather. Yes. Stunning. And deceptive. Walk down one side of the street and it’s all making us feel great again summer sunshine. Turn the corner and you walk straight into December - making us freezing again. I've taken to leaving the house like a cricket umpire. At least with April you know it’s reliably unreliable.