Trump suing ABC cracks irony gauge

Why not turn Mar-a-Lago into a courthouse? This would be more convenient for Donald Trump.

- VINAY MENON

He can golf, schmooze, gorge, lie, rant and attend his many legal proceedings all in the same place. I'm starting to think Agent Orange may be addicted to the sound of gavels and stenotypes.

Has anyone in history been entangled in more court cases? The latest arrived this week when Mr. Trump sued ABC, ABC News and anchor George Stephanopoulos. Trump alleges he was defamed when Mr. Stephanopoulos referred to him more than once as a "rapist" during a March 10 broadcast of "This Week." Per the complaint: "These statements were and remain false, and were made by Defendant Stephanopoulos with actual malice or with a reckless disregard for the truth..." My irony gauge just cracked.

Trump accusing anyone of malice is like Kate Middleton calling someone elusive. A reckless disregard for the truth? Trump's daily barrage of falsehoods has given every fact-checker carpal tunnel syndrome. I wouldn't be surprised if Trump tells people he has six nipples and each speaks a different language.

Nobody can believe it. Nobody has seen or heard nipples like this.

As the plaintiff, Trump is asking for a jury trial in Florida. But given his immediate future as a defendant on multiple dockets, it's possible Trump will be 93 and using a walker stained with Big Mac sauce if and when this ABC lawsuit goes to court.