Caregivers need to practise self-care before burnout hits

Beyond going for a massage or taking a holiday, true self-care is about caring for your inner mental state, says a psychologist

- Jill Lim

When I attended a free talk for caregivers two weeks ago titled When Love Feels Heavy: A Conversation On Self-Care And Challenging Behaviours In Individuals With ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), I was initially more interested in the second part of the talk.

Worrying about our children's behaviour is something that is almost hardwired into all parents. They don't have to be ASD kids.

I don't think the parent who is not concerned about something related to his or her children exists, be it adolescent moodiness, behavioural addictions including gaming, or his or her kids simply making different choices than he or she would.

However, I was surprised to find that it was the first half of the talk that ended up speaking to me more. I found myself learning things about self-care that I had not thought much about before and seeing them in a new light.

WHAT SELF-CARE ISN'T... AND IS

As the parent of a child with autism who is now an adult, I probably fall into a large category of parents, those who feel there is never time in the day for self-care. How can there be, when days whiz by in a blur from routine tasks alone?

Another misconception that I have also been guilty of in the past is that self-care is an indulgence and luxury.

Both ideas are not unusual among caregivers of all types, including those with small children, parents of special-needs children and adults looking after an elderly, ill parent or one with dementia.

And if you don't see self-care as important, you will not make time for it.

But as practising psychologist Vivien Yang, who has a doctorate in educational and child psychology, said at the session and in slide handouts: "Self-care is not selfish. Taking care of yourself helps you care for your child with more patience and energy."