Building Deeper Relationships in 2025

Whether it is your child, parent or colleague, getting to know someone better depends on being open-hearted and having good social skills

- Abel Ang

I used to be a tiger dad focused on pushing my two boys to excel at school. As a young and busy parent, I was often ill-tempered and irritable, shouting at them for the smallest infractions.

I changed course when my wife cautioned me that the path I was on would permanently damage my relationship with the kids. I realised that she was right when I noticed my younger son flinching when I engaged him, preferring to avoid me rather than talk with me.

To change, I had to focus on rebuilding the relationship with my boys.

When I started the journey, I was at a loss on how to engage them. A father should instinctively know his children, but this one didn't.

On hindsight, I wish I had the benefit of recent bestseller How To Know A Person by David Brooks, which I have been reading.

Brooks is a Canada-born American author and political and cultural commentator best known for his book Road To Character, about how character is developed in people.

I am not the only one impressed by his how-to book. Bill Gates, founder of tech giant Microsoft, wrote on his blog that he found out from the book that conversational skills and getting to know people better are not just innate traits, but they also need to be learnt and improved upon.

Gates, a self-described introvert, said of learning the mechanics of building deeper relationships: "As someone who has always been more comfortable making software than small talk, I found this idea both refreshing and informative".

Brooks believes that the core of getting to know someone better depends on being open-hearted and having good social skills. He laments that "these are some of the most important skills a human being can possess, and yet we don't teach them in school... as a result, a lot of us are lonely and lack deep friendships".

So, how do people build deeper relationships?

LOOKING AT SOMEONE