I can't stop apologising. How could therapy help?
The Guardian Weekly
|October 17, 2025
I'm a woman in my late 30s who, since childhood, has thought it vital to be polite. While I have a happy and fulfilling life, I've always had very low self-confidence.
This combination of wanting to acknowledge others appropriately and constantly doubting myself has turned me into a person who apologises a great deal.
Often, it happens so fast I'm not even conscious of it. It is definitely coming from a place of anxiety and has affected my personal and professional life. It drives my loved ones and colleagues mad, and then it drives me mad that they point it out.
It is a particular problem when it comes to public speaking or asking questions in front of others. I am an early-career academic specialising in politics, so speaking confidently is important. I have been trying to fix this by “exposure therapy”, teaching classes and forcing myself to ask any question I can at public events - despite numerous public “humiliations” by established male academics.
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