How to talk to kids

Discover proven tips to help your child express feelings, cooperate, and stay connected

- Kerina De Floras

It’s the usual drill—you ask your child to clean their room, and they refuse to do it. You have tried counting to three, used the “serious voice,” and even threatened to ground them, but to no avail. “When will you ever listen to me?” you shout in frustration.

Why kids don’t listen

Now here's a question for you—do YOU really listen to your child? While most of us are intent on "disciplining" our children by making them listen to us, we rarely give them the space to share their perceptions. And when they do share their feelings or thoughts with us, do we give them our undivided attention? Most of the time, the answer is no.

While daily communication may turn into arguments because of this, there may be a good reason why your child is struggling to listen to you. Maybe theyre overwhelmed by what youre telling them, maybe they’e tired or stressed, or even trying to get attention. Whatever the reason, there are many ways to help your child listen and communicate better. Let's take a look at some of them.

Understand your child’s feelings

Children are busy exploring the world. It's a part of their job description. They have so many things on their mind, like studying for their geography test, practicing football to make it to the school team, and trying out new video games with friends.

When they have multiple priorities to worry about, they don't really understand why you keep asking them to clean their room. Even toddlers have so much going on—every new object they see is a new avenue waiting to be explored (and thrown around).

Understand and acknowledge your childs thoughts and feelings first. This will help them know that youre ready to listen to them. When they realize that you listen to them and respond empathetically, they'll be ready to open up more and also listen better.

What you can do