The quiet rituals that keep friendships alive

Simple traditions like meeting at the same bar or scheduling an annual trip builds a reserve of memories that sustain connections through long gaps and across distances

- Reem Khokhar

Farhina Ahmed, 23, looks forward to October each year, when she meets Julia, her friend from Spain. They first met in 2022, striking up a conversation by the pool of their Jaipur hotel. "She is 30-years older than me, with a daughter my age, and runs a clothing brand and visits India for work every year. We just got talking and had a wonderful conversation about our interests," says Ahmed, an independent researcher from Assam.

They went shopping and sightseeing, meeting again by chance in October 2023, when they were both in Jaipur at the same hotel. Since then, they have bookmarked their annual autumn meetup.

"We meet by the pool and chat about what has happened with us in the past year," she says. "We have this nonjudgmental space, where we can tell each other anything."

Their annual meetup may be unique to their relationship, but rituals between friends, family or partners are common. Whether it's two thrill-loving friends watching a horror movie together on each other's birthdays, a weekly family lunch, or a morning cup of tea with a parent, such traditions strengthen bonds and symbolise care and presence in each other's lives.

Psychological theory refers to these practices as "relational rituals" or "interaction rituals". "In family systems theory, such rituals are part of the "family culture" or "relational culture"—the unique set of practices, habits and traditions that define how individuals connect within a relationship or family," says Gurugram-based psychologist Ann Philipose, who works with individuals, couples and families. These behaviours aid emotional regulation, attachment and intimacy, while offering predictability, healing, security, growth and continuity.

BRIDGING THE GAP