I use headphones every day and this is the question that makes me shudder

IT IS the question I fear most in life.

- Jack Kessler

Not “what do you want to be when you grow up?”, or “you spent how much at Chez Bruce?”, but “what are you listening to?” There is simply no good answer — or at least not one that does not require explanation.

I could lie, of course. Strangers might reasonably assume it is music, while those who know me a little better probably suspect podcasts. But they would both be wrong. I am listening to nothing at all. Except, even this is not quite right. The truth is, I am listening to white noise.

It began during the second lockdown, when our upstairs neighbours, in their infinite wisdom, decided to rip out their carpet and so suddenly every light footstep sounded like a giant thud above my head. I tried reasoning with [ed: yelling at] them, but when that failed I purchased a pair of noise-cancelling headphones and never looked back (or indeed, up).