Merry Christmas and all that

You have a shell-shocked car, but Hukum has a fine bum," said the missus in a muffled voice.

- K.C. Verma

I looked up from my newspaper and was startled to see her peering into my liquor cabinet.

Right away, I had a sinking feeling. What if she discovers the sliding partition behind which I keep two bottles of some very fine stuff? Mercifully, she did not! With her head still in the cabinet, she again muttered, "Hukum has a fine bum."

Hukum Singh is the uncouth bodybuilder who lives next door and puts on coquettish airs whenever he sees any young lady. I was appalled that the old girl had noticed his preening, and even considered his derriere worth commenting about.

"What! What did you say about my car and... and that other thing?" I asked.

"You have a well-stocked bar but how come I can't find rum?" she said-clearly this time. "Where's the rum?" For forty-odd years now, I have been trying to persuade my wife to have a drink once in a while. This ploy has, however, not worked till now. Those ignorant about the finer points of human psychology might not immediately grasp the deviousness, but my gambit is based on the cunning consideration that if the better half takes a drop or two, she is more likely to forgive her husband if he gets sozzled.

So, when I found the little woman searching for rum, my heart turned a couple of joyous somersaults.