Caught in the net

As if child-rearing wasn't fraught enough, modern parents are losing more sleep to the cacophony of online advice.

- SARAH CATHERALL

Spoon feeding is out, “child-led” exploration of food is in. Swaddling newborns, that’s a no for many now. “Gentle parenting” asks parents to engage kindly with their babies and children and respond to their feelings and emotions. Amid a toddler tantrum, neuroscience-savvy parents are advised to try SIFT: encouraging the child to pay attention to their sensations, images, feelings and thoughts.

Child-raising is some science and a lot of intuition. And theories and expert advice come in waves. From the “seen and not heard” Victorian edicts to the mid-century reset of Dr Spock’s urging of affection and trusting maternal instinct, trends have come and gone to find new answers to age-old issues such as poor sleeping and fussy eating. Controlled crying ruled in the 1980s, the early 2000s introduced TV hit Supernanny, with strict routines, timeouts and the naughty step.

Today’s new parents have not only family lore to take or leave, but also a 24/7 torrent of advice courtesy of social media and websites. It may be baffling to those who raised children with little more outside resource than the Plunket nurse and a pumpkin purée-smeared copy of Toddler Taming, but it’s also increasingly overwhelming the new generation.

Look up “how to settle a crying baby” and the algorithms will unleash a deluge of information that is often confusing as rival theories land.

And the curated lives of seemingly storybook families – winsome toddlers hoovering up their greens in an immaculate kitchen – invite comparisons. “I wouldn’t want to be a parent of a newborn at the moment, just like I wouldn’t want to be a teenager,” says Plunket’s Toria Maus. “There’s a lot more noise online.”