“I BET RINGO DIDN'T DO THIS...”

The first and last time I saw Ozzy Osbourne’s private parts was at the Townsend Hotel in Birmingham, Michigan, in July 1998. A magazine had flown me and a photographer named Hugo Dixon to meet Ozzy on his day off from the Ozzfest tour.

- Words: Mark Blake

The interview involved him answering readers' questions, which we'd printed out as props for the photo shoot. Knowing Ozzy was a huge Beatles fan, we'd shown his people an example of the same interview with Ringo Starr.

Ozzy welcomed us into his hotel suite, didn’t ask our names or where we were from, but began talking as if he’d known us forever. He couldn’t decide what to wear for the shoot, though, and at one point Sharon suggested a black flowery shirt. “Fuck off, I'll look like Robert Plant,” he huffed, before choosing a plain black top and removing his black trousers to put on an identical pair. He had no reticence about undressing in front of us. We'd been invited into Ozzy’s world, and it was a level playing field.

Ringo had been photographed fully clad and sitting in an armchair. But Ozzy agreed to be photographed on the lavatory. Without warning, he dropped his trousers and underpants and shoved a handful of readers' letters towards his bare backside, like toilet paper. “Fucking hell,” he deadpanned. “I bet Ringo didn’t do this.”

To make the toilet paper routine look convincing, Ozzy lifted his buttocks, which caused his genitals to plop into view. Unlike many male rock photographers, Hugo was a softly spoken gentleman and looked aghast. “Oh dear,” he purred.

“Can ya see my bollocks?” Ozzy asked. “Sorry.”