LOVE ADHD

Being in a long-term relationship where one partner has ADHD can be both amazing and challenging. We asked an expert how 'neurodiverse' couples can make it work...

-  SILKE COLQUHOUN

We often hear about kids with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), but what happens when they grow up and start dating? And what happens if you marry someone who has it, or you have it and are in a relationship with a non-ADHD person?

The first thing to know is that an ADHD brain is not broken but simply wired differently to a neurotypical brain. Can a committed long-term relationship between these two types of brain work?

“A big resounding yes!” says Germarie Sutherland, a specialist neuropsychologist and certified ADHD life coach in Gauteng – who, incidentally, has ADHD and is married to a neurotypical person. “For your neurodiverse relationship to thrive, it’s important to focus on understanding the differences in how you and your partner process information – and how this impacts your ability to understand each other.”

Overactive brain

The biggest source of conflict for these couples lies in not accounting for their differences, which leads to misunderstanding, especially when one partner tries to ‘mind read’ and jumps to conclusions.