Snakes in the Dark

Sometimes it’s best to leave the tough jobs to the experts

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I DON'T WATCH much reality TV. I believe you can directly relate how dumb you are to the number of hours you spend seeing people behave badly on television and on the internet. I have always wondered what would happen if some alien race intercepted these shows and thought this was how humanity was. I imagine they would flee for home after just a few minutes of 90 Day Fiancé, Love After Lockup, or any of those cooking contests designed to make folks cry.

But nothing baffles me more than the programs in which people wearing headlamps and cutoff overalls wade into the Florida Everglades in the dead of night to, as near as I can tell, get bitten in the face by snakes as big as telephone poles. That... and to shout “woo-hoo!” a lot.