RUNAWAY TRADWIVES

How women use the internet to escape an oppressive lifestyle.

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The tradwives log on to the private video group call from all across the country. One folds herself into a corner of her bathroom, claiming a few solitary moments. Another is barely visible, sitting outside a bedroom door in a darkened hallway, waiting out a child who refuses to sleep. They are spread across time zones—as one woman cooks dinner, her phone propped on the counter, earbuds in, multiple kids skittering through the kitchen, another nurses an infant who has just woken up from a nap. Others go on walks to get out of their husband’s earshot. Many hop on while running errands, using the confines of their car as a sanctuary. One woman’s video is always off; she says she is hiding in the laundry room.

Here there’s none of the purring servility typical of tradwife content. On live calls, and in video messages they send back and forth throughout the day using the chat app Marco Polo, the women admit feelings of overwhelm they’ve never told anyone else. Secrecy is paramount. Some husbands monitor their phone calls and text messages, so their wives delete their Marco Polo accounts or chats every day.

Many of the women do not have access to family bank accounts or their own credit history, nor do they have job experience, and some don’t even have driver’s licenses. They are supposed to be cheerful exemplars of women’s place inside the patriarchy: submissive wives, serving their husbands and raising children. Meals, cooked from scratch. Single-income budget, managed by thrift and coupons.

Except these women are done submitting; they are done being “perfect” wives. They want out.