THE MADNESS OF KING CHARLES

Family, cancer & crown bring out the worst in him

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KOOKY King Charles is turning into a tyrannical madman as the cancerstricken royal crumbles under the pressure of trying to keep the British monarchy from imploding and broker peace within his fractured family, while weathering yet another wave of damaging claims about his scandalous sibling Prince Andrew, courtiers say.

The crotchety king, 76, has sparked a mass exodus among long-suffering staff, who are bolting from their minimum wage jobs due to his bonkers behavior and oddball edicts, sources share.

According to insiders, the monarch's daily demands include ironed shoelaces, perfectly aligned clothes ― including his left and right socks and precisely one inch of toothpaste meticulously squeezed onto his brush.

Sources say the cheeky king even insists on traveling with his own toilet seat and favorite quilted toilet paper.

Reports have emerged that 11 of 12 full-time gardeners have fled the environmentally aware royal's Highgrove estate within three years after being scolded for not fulfilling his increasingly bizarre orders, including decrees that single plants be relocated to specific locations.