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Publishing Tariffs
Writer’s Digest
|January / February 2026
Writers Must Finally Pay Their Dues
Writers, especially poets, will no longer get a free ride on the publishing gravy train. Effective immediately, the Government hereby announces targeted surcharges on the writing profession. All funds collected will support a new monthly newsletter: The Government Knows Best.
The following fees may unpredictably change without notice. Or logic.
PUNCTUATION TARIFFS
OXFORD COMMA: Triple surcharge for this and other woke punctuation. Waived for writers in the U.K. or Connecticut.
ALL CAPS: Permissible but with a 10% CAP FEE.
ELLIPSES: Fee per dot. Limited to three ellipses per 1,500 words; exceeding this triggers the Writing Luxury Tax.
EXCLAMATION POINTS: Effective immediately! A 15% tariff!! Always!!!
GENRES
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