Decoding Our Teenage Daughters

MAKING SENSE OF ADOLESCENTS.

- Tarang Sinha

She looked tense, so I asked, “Anything wrong?” “Nothing. Just feeling a little anxious about Kanika,” she said.

Kanika is her 17-year-old daughter. “Why? Is she okay?”

“She has grown up!’

Wait. Why was growing up a problem? Children grow up. It’s normal.

“I’m worried because I think we are growing apart. She doesn’t talk to me much now. Looks self-engrossed. Stays in her room all the time. When I question her, she says I don’t understand her! Sometimes, I question my parenting skill.” She really looked worried.

“Relax. She’d be fine,” I said but it made me thinking.

Why is it a matter of concern if your daughter is growing up? I never realised that my mother was worried when I was a teenager. I thought about the changing parent-daughter relationship. Has it changed with time? What could be the reason of Kanika’s changing behaviour? How difficult is it to gel with a growing daughter? What do parents need to keep in mind while they try to develop a comfort level with their teenage daughters who are going through some kinds of changes?

Teenagers go through several peculiar changes – physically, mentally and emotionally. And, their changing behaviour has nothing to do with your parenting skill.

Dr Ashima Puri, a clinical psychologist practising in Delhi, says that teenagers can act differently, show strong emotions at times, and it is important to treat them sensibly. “At this stage they need guidance and parents are the best guide.”

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For some families, it is!