Mirror, mirror get off the wall

Tired of scrutinising herself, Kim Willis, 37, tried a week without a reflection

- KIM WILLIS

My reflection a mere inch from my actual face, I inspected the rapid growth of grey hairs. Suddenly, I heard the way I was mentally talking to myself. ‘These grey hairs are grim! You’re ageing rapidly. Your husband must find you so unattractive now. Look at the wrinkles! And you’ve got spots! Try harder! Be better! Be younger!’

Stepping back from the mirror, it was like I was seeing and hearing myself for the first time. Where had this stream of criticism and bullying come from, and who was it helping?

When I’m not scrutinizing my reflection, the running commentary in my head is pleasant. I think about the people I love, books I’ve read, films I’ve seen and the things I can do to be more green. I’m busy having good thoughts, but the mirror waits for an opportunity to steal my joy. There are mirrors everywhere. One in the bedroom, two in the hallway, so I can check how tired my face looks and how big my bum is at the same time. The amount I have means that several times a day my thoughts go to a not very nice place. It was time my mirrors and I went on a break.

Monday

Last night, I gave my eyebrows a good plucking, then covered up all the mirrors. This morning, I applied tinted moisturizer, but avoided using my eyebrow pencil, eyelash curler and mascara, for fear of haphazard results. My husband, Gaz, 38, didn’t look at me strangely over breakfast so I’m guessing I didn’t leave myself with streaks of war paint across my cheeks.

I tell myself that my at-home gym mirrors are handy for ensuring good form, but that’s a lie. Gym mirrors serve to punish me, and without them, I bounced around the room unselfconsciously, dancing to music between reps.

Tuesday