Resolutions For The Wise But Lazy

It’s that time of the year when you reflect on the past 11 months and make new resolutions. Our suggestion: Make promises that you can keep, like start every morning with a smoke or drink every evening.

- Shreya Kalra

HAVE EQUAL EYEBROWS

Fix those eyebrows if you are a high-maintenance, metrosexual dude. Make sure it doesn’t look like the left brow is a little boy chasing its momma on the right.

MAKE PHONE BATTERY LAST A WHOLE DAY

Running out of juice is possibly the worst thing ever. Well, the phone kind because the other one would sort of make you impotent. In 2017 aim to make that phone run for as long and far as possible.

NOT BE SWAYED BY LIGHTNING DEALS ONLINE

Falling for super-saving deals is them messing with your psychology. They’re telling you that you need diapers even if you don’t have a kid. They’re encouraging you to spend on diapers at effing 70% off and you’re thinking, “Hell, I’ll find a girl to have a baby, so I need the diapers now.” Calm down.

NO PICKING YOUR NOSE IN THE CAR