THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS TREE

As kids, my brother and I had the bright idea to chop down a pine in our neighbor's yard

- Rick Mercer

ONE DECEMBER, when I was seven and my brother, Gilbert, was 11 and a half, we headed out alone into the woods with an axe and a saw and the goal of finding the perfect Christmas tree. Two children armed with medieval cutting tools. What could go wrong?

In our house in Middle Cove, Newfoundland, the tradition was for the tree to go up the day before Christmas Eve. This infuriated us because many people on the street would have trees up a full week before Christmas. Now, of course, people put them up way earlier than that. I have neighbours in Toronto who have their Christmas tree up and decorated on November 12, and they are Jewish.

So it must have been just before the holiday when our nagging got us the go-ahead from Dad to go find the perfect tree. And this year, we were being trusted to do it entirely on our own. And while I know now he would have been happy with whatever tangly mess we brought back, we took the challenge very seriously. So, axe in Gilbert's hand, saw in mine, we set out for all the spots we imagined we might find a magnificent fir.

We were young, but we knew the rules. Trees could only be taken from Crown land and not near any road. Also, you should look for younger trees that are in clumps of other younger trees. That way, when you take one, you're essentially making room for the other young trees to grow. You are not, under any circumstances, to cut down a larger mature tree and just take the top off. It's wasteful, environmentally unfriendly and just plain wrong. We knew this because Dad had said it many times when, every year at Christmas, we would come across a large, felled tree with no top.

Of course, unsupervised, it was the very first thing we did.