More Than Good Enough

Claire Maher explains how a parent’s acceptance of self can teach children how to accept changes and imperfections in their own lives

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Many children struggle with performance anxiety and inadequacies (often unfounded), which are factors associated with poor self-esteem, or a poor self-concept. A child’s self-esteem can be influenced by factors such as temperament, parenting and parental attitudes to failures and successes, parental self-esteem, teachers, feedback regarding performances and peer relationships.

IDENTITY AWARENESS AND THE ROLE OF THE MEDIA

Children develop a self-concept from very early on. By the age of three years children are able to describe and categorise themselves based on concrete constructs. For example, a child will say that they have brown hair, are a boy/girl, or whether they are good or bad. These children may also be able to describe themselves emotionally – as being happy, sad or cross, for example. Social worker Angela Oswalt explains in one of her papers that as a child’s long-term memory ability develops, they are able to remember situations and experiences, and can define themselves according to their previous experiences – in essence, creating their life story.

As adults we are who we are because of our relationships, experiences and attitudes, and this is the same for children. As long as children still think concretely their self-esteem is generally healthy, as they define themselves according to observable constructs – “I’m tall” or “my hair is blonde.” Children are also encouraged to try their best, or keep trying, and while still thinking concretely therefore often believe that they can accomplish various tasks, and be good at something.