Seeing Too Much Of Me

What we perceive in the mirror is not always reality. Here, we navigate finding a safe space away from body dysmorphia

- MIA CASTRO

Similar to many people, I have had a strange relationship with my body and appearance. As the quarantine extends and idle time is easy to come by, I find myself staring at the mirror more often. However, the longer I stare, the more my mind magnifies my flaws like the acne marks on my cheek, how my arms aren’t toned anymore, or the rough skin on my knees. I look at another mirror and it has turned into a carnival funhouse, distorting my whole appearance and making me feel something far from fun.

I try to distract myself by going on social media. I scroll through Instagram Stories and many of which are people working out or sharing how their skin has cleared throughout the lockdown. I turn to YouTube and the most recommended content are different exercise videos with the captions such as “Gain Abs in 1 week.” None of these gave me comfort. Frustrated, I shut my phone and the black screen appears. I see my reflection once again and frown, one arm having brought my phone a little closer while the other has started scratching the bump on my face.

I quickly snap out it and say to myself out loud, “No, you are not going through this again.” And by this again, I mean falling back into a vicious cycle of body dysmorphia.