Meeting Of Minds

Weddings are usually about three things: the food, the parties and what the bride wore . But some Indian couples are seeking more meaningful ways to symbolise their love.

- Neeti Jaychander

MOTHER OF THE BRIDE

At Hernoor Grewal’s wedding with Navjit Surdhar, she decided to have her mother, a single parent, step in to conduct the ceremonies conventionally performed by a father or a male relative.

When London-based Hernoor Grewal tied the knot with Navjit Surdhar last year, she chose to do away with the patriarchal custom of having an older male relative perform the ceremonies. Wedding photographer Surdhar and designer Grewal, both 30, met at work and fell in love. After Grewal’s parents separated a few years ago, it was her mother who nurtured the family of five daughters. “My mother had performed the ‘palla’ ceremony for my eldest sister’s wedding five years ago, so it was only natural for her to do the same at my wedding. I thought long and hard about how I wanted to involve and give respect to the ladies I have grown up with. For me, it was a logical and moral choice. It had little to do with religion or being in an all-woman household, as neither of these always give us the freedom to make choices in the way we think,” says Grewal.

The decision was organic, and Grewal took it a step further by having her sisters walk her into the darbar of the gurdwara. Her mother also performed the milni (meeting the boy’s side) with Surdhar’s father. He says, “Traditionally it is the fathers of the bride and groom, or senior male relatives who perform the milni. My mother passed away when I was young, so we decided to have my father and Hernoor’s mother perform the ceremony.”