Fifty Shades Of​​​​​​​ Sex
Femina|August 7, 2018

Curious about BDSM? Simran Ahuja helps you spank your love life into shape.

Simran Ahuja

What comes to your mind when we say BDSM? We bet you’re imagining a room like the red room of pain from Fifty Shades Of Grey, complete with all sorts of contraptions and tools you can’t name—maybe a pair of handcuffs hanging here, a flogger or whip there. The concept can either make you cringe or give you the tingles. But there’s no denying that ever since Fifty Shades Of Grey hit the screen in February 2015, Google searches for the term BDSM saw huge spikes. Pornhub says India likes it as well. Insights for 2017 reveal that India viewed the category ‘rough sex’ 92 per cent more than any other country. But before you shudder and turn the page, read this.

There’s a lot more to the practice than mainstream media will have you believe. Don’t take our word for it. J Walker, member of Kinky Collective, an Indian BDSM group says, “BDSM is all about pleasure. If one had to choose an adjective that best epitomised BDSM, it would probably be ‘playful’, as interactions are often humorous and always enjoyable.” But it’s hardly child’s play. Don’t worry. We’re here to hold your hand and help you aboard this bangin’ bandwagon.

WHAT IS IT?

You’ve read about it, you’ve seem films that portray it and you might have even crooned a song or two about it (Case in point: Barbadian singer Rihanna’s popular tune S&M). But what exactly is BDSM? Walker explains: “BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadism and masochism. It is also called ‘kink’. It refers to a variety of erotic activities that people engage in, in ways that are safe, sane, consensual and mutually gratifying.”

Unfortunately, BDSM has become negatively associated with pain or aggression. Walker explains, “Even if some activities involve inflicting some level of pain or involve restraints, it is important to understand that BDSM is not violent and that, most importantly, it is not coercive. As a matter of fact, BDSM practitioners go to great lengths to ensure safety, to negotiate their interactions and to ensure that consent can be withdrawn at all times.”

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