THE MARRIAGE MANUAL

Understanding the little things that matter

- Kalpana M Naghnoor

I'm a serious advocate of marriage, once the couple has said their vows, they must take them seriously. In a country where arranged marriages are more the trend than marriage by choice, it falls upon parents to prepare the couple for the life ahead together as individuals committed to each other. Also, since most marriages are arranged, couples rely on parents to sort out trivial and more serious issues which may crop up between them. Too many heads within the marriage is like too many cooks.

Making The Decision

When a couple decides to marry, either by choice or by arrangement of their parents, they must realise that they are embarking on a permanent journey of life, and this journey begins now with this new person. Life until now was parents and siblings, people you never needed to adjust with, but grew up with. Now a new entrant must be involved, it is the way of life.

The New Entrant

The new entrant in your life is your spouse. The spouse, like you, comes with a set of values ingrained since childhood and which he or she will carry beyond the legal age of maturity. These values will not change just because the person is married. To expect change in values is remiss on the part of any individual expecting it. The new entrant also comes with a family and bonds. Nobody can, will this away! No man can expect a woman to forget her maternal home and immerse herself in his family and their other expectations of her, and vice-versa.

To make sure that there are no surprises, it is best that the couple talk to each other and must be clear on certain issues and talk about them extensively until they understand the extent and limitations of them.

What are the values deeply rooted?